Last Thursday, on morning of April 25th, I experienced the worst day of my life. I don't think I have ever felt so heartbroken then I did that day. And it still hurts just as it did then three days later. My cat Ebony died. She was 14 years old and a very big part of my life. 

On February 21st 1998, she was given to me as present ~ I was 8 years old. I do not really remember much of my life before I had her, to me she has always been around. She was with me every single day for 14 years and now that she is gone, I feel quite empty, like a huge part of myself has gone. And I do not know how to fill it in. I feel like I am carrying around this huge gap in my identity. And it makes me feel so lost. I look around my house and everything reminds me of her. 

The house is quieter now. Everyone in my family thinks so. We still have three cats, one is my sisters, two are family cats. But Ebony was my own cat. And in a huge way, she was one of my best friends.  It is really weird. I am taking her death a lot harder then my grandparents. I think it was because of being around her all the time, I felt closer to her. 

She died of Liver Cancer, it got really bad, to the point of her being brain damaged but I stayed with her till the end, even when she was passing away. It was quite a shock for me to handle all this. Because her symptoms started to develop so suddenly on the monday, she was taken in overnight on wednesday and by thursday morning I had to put her down. So when I got a call from my vets on Thursday morning that she was not doing good at all and that she was dying, I was in shock and heartbroken. I thought she would recover. So now I find myself at the point where I am trying to get used to her being gone. And I find myself empty. 

She was a sister and a friend. And she had a very happy life. 

 But now I do not know what to do with myself. I feel like I need to find myself again. To fill the gap that I have lost. I am going to start a mini series of posts on my blog called 'Spring Distractions', it involves me doing fun, creative and random things in my life: I suppose it is a way of me moving forward to overcome my grief. These posts will be weaved in and out of my beauty posts. That will continue to keep going ~ don't worry. 

I find blogging is a good way of distracting myself. So I will continue on as normal. But something new to the blog is a little lifestyle mini series that will be coming soon.

This is the deepest piece of writing I have ever wrote. So if this isn't your thing to read I apologise. Also if you hate cats, then this post also won't be your cup of tea. But I felt like I owed it to myself to talk about her on this blog. 

I wouid also like to apologise if your new to this blog and this is the first post to crop up on your screen. But I will try and continue to be as regular with my beauty blog updates as possible. That is a promise.  




  1. Oh Nadja I am so, so sorry. She was so beautiful and I can see how much she meant to you. I'm sending hugs, thoughts, prayers and love your way and...and a pat to her in Cat Heaven xoxo.

  2. Reading this was almost like reading my own story. 2 years ago my cat who I got when I was 8 died when he was 14 from heart problems which led to his kidneys failing. He was rushed to the vets in the summer and the vet said they would put him down the next day. However by the morning he recovered enough to come home and with medication he lived happily until January when he suddenly got very ill. We made the decision to keep him at home for the night and if he was still suffering in the morning we would take him to be put down. Fortuately in a way he passed away in the middle of the night with me and my sister with him. I understand exactly how you feel, my cat was like a person to me, I loved him like a best friend and a brother, however strange that sounds to some people. Even 2 years later I still miss him so much. I found it helped me to keep remembering that he had a good life, was very loved and was not in pain any more. I think the same is true of your beautiful cat too.

  3. i'm sorry for your loss dear.
    she looked a lot like binx from hocus pocus.
    i hope you recover soon dear <3

  4. Oh no I'm so sorry :( I know exactly how attached we can get to animals - they really are amazing!
    Thinking about you xo

  5. My condolences. I miss my turtles so much :( Nothing can replace my love for them :( I dont know what else to say cuz its not that its gonna change anything :(
    Im your new follower btw #160
    Nice blog !

  6. We are sorry to hear this Nadja. She was adorable cat and you were both very lucky to have had eachother in your lives!


  7. ohhh..honey.. I'm so sorry. I know how it feels. Lost two of my cats.
    Keep strong. And don't forget.. that there's always the ends and new beginnings. Need to move on! :)
    hugs xxx

  8. Awwww, I'm so sorry to hear about Ebony :-( I have two cats myself, one of them since I was 8 too and would be devastated if anything happened. I hope you feel better soon xxx

    Curls and Swirls Beauty & Lifestyle

  9. I'm so sorry to read this :(
    Losing your pet can be such a horrible experience.
    She looks like she was a well taken care of cat who was loved very much. She was very pretty!
    I've got two cats myself and I've had since I was 6, I know how heartbreaking it can be to loose your cat!
    Stay strong


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